Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
