Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize