So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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