We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
