OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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