We named our party play list daddy issues
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
