ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ketchup is God's man juice
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
