Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
