so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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