Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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