Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I feel like abortions should bother me more
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
