Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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