i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
