Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I need moral support for this bender
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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