I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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