I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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