like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
