Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sorry about my life...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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