I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
