Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
