Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
