found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
