youre lurking in front of me
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
