I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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