i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
