Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
