Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
