he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
