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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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