You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
