can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
