If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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