Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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