there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
