Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize