She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
