I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
