I accidentally had phone sex last night
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
