Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Buhtt sex?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
