i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
