I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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