That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
