what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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