Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize