Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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