I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
