it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So much rum. So many feels.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
