As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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