Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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