I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
