Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
