Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
