Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
