so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
