Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
