just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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