if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
