the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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