We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
