DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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