don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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