I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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