planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize