Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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