I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
