I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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